Vanderpump Rules Recap – 12/5/16

We’re already five weeks into this season of Vanderpump Rules and I think we can all agree that watching this show is nothing short of an edifying experience. Sure, it’s possible that you have to view it while being somewhat high in order to suss out all the hidden messages revealed so very subtly by the show’s pretend stars, but as someone who happens to be just a little bit high, I can personally attest to the fact that I have learned a great deal of important life lessons in this last month alone from a group of people who are not just servers, bartenders, and horribly flawed human beings; they are teachers, too, dammit.

In no particular order of importance (because every last one of these lessons is as essential as a f*cking proverb), here is what I have internalized in only thirty days’ time:

• While I have been a bridesmaid several times, I very clearly now realize that not one of those brides ever truly cared about me. Never once was I … Continue reading

December 6th, 2016 | No Comments | Posted in Vanderpump Rules - Season 5

Vanderpump Rules Recap – 11/28/16

I realize there are a bunch of people who are tremendously busy right now counting the millions of votes that were apparently cast by illegal immigrants who are in fact so magical that they don’t even exist outside of the confines of our President-elect’s deranged mind, but when those recounts are finally complete, I have another quick assignment I’d like this detail-oriented group to perform. I’m not all that savvy when it comes to knowing things about geography, but I’m hoping it won’t be too inconvenient for a couple of them to hop from Wisconsin over to California and find some definitive answers that can be backed up with empirical data to finally explain the reason for James Kennedy’s very existence on this already-suffering planet. Seriously, I want to see graphs and shaded charts as part of the explanation process because otherwise it will be very hard for me to believe that this idiot wasn’t created in a laboratory by a group of reality television producers who were coming down from a night filled with … Continue reading

November 29th, 2016 | No Comments | Posted in Vanderpump Rules - Season 5