Vanderpump Rules Recap – 11/23/15

Small request: should your Thanksgiving not involve sitting around a table that’s topped with a platter upon which resides a chicken that has been shoved inside of a duck which has then been crammed inside of a turkey, can I please spend the holiday at your house? I’ll bring dessert.

See, my sister Amy insists upon making a turducken for Thanksgiving – and she then wraps that sucker in bacon because three animals apparently aren’t enough to consume in one bite so she tosses in some pig too. Having this monstrosity served to my family involves some careful strategizing. My sister Leigh, who eats no meat, must maneuver her way to a spot at the table that is in no way turducken-adjacent lest she vomit on the placemats. My mother needs a spot that’s near the kitchen because, even though we’re not at her house, she can’t stop herself from clearing the table while mentally calculating the carbohydrate intake just consumed by her nearest and dearest. When the staggering sum finally settles into her head … Continue reading

November 24th, 2015 | No Comments | Posted in Vanderpump Rules - Season 4

Vanderpump Rules Recap – 11/16/15

Last week, before actually important news saturated the airways (I’m speaking, of course, of the atrocities aimed at innocent civilians in Paris that shocked everybody and Charlie Sheen’s tragic medical diagnosis that shocked nobody), Bravo updates were appearing in the press constantly. For a few days there it was impossible to go online and not see that two new Housewife shows are heading our way like an Earth-shattering comet and that Brooks, the smarmiest man ever to walk the streets of the OC, admitted to doctoring the documents he waved in front of cameras on his I Have Cancer press tour in a misguided effort to prove (through falsified medical records) that he indeed has been stricken with a deadly disease. But before anyone can say anything, let’s just all go ahead and accept that fine, Brooks might have fabricated those documents, but he’s totally not lying about anything else and he obviously has a disease (I think it must be the disease that causes his unceasing smirk that I’d love to kick off his … Continue reading

November 17th, 2015 | No Comments | Posted in Uncategorized