For a certain period of time, this was the motto I chose to live my life by: In the grand scheme of things, this moment will not matter in the slightest. Such a mindset was very helpful during years when I was almost chronically making all sorts of silly choices, like skipping Philosophy class because it started way too early (11:15AM) or lying to a boyfriend about where I’d spent the previous evening. But even as those words swirled through my mind back then – even as I conditioned myself to believe that none of my actions could possibly really matter – a part of me was always very much aware that my rehearsed mantra was just a verbal defense mechanism meant to absolve me of the guilt I should have allowed myself to internalize. Had I felt those waves of shame, perhaps I would have made different – wiser – choices.
It was probably during the first semester of my senior year in college when that plastic bubble formed entirely out of Goldschlager and … Continue reading