Vanderpump Rules Recap – 1/16/17

For the last five seasons, I have used the following words – both in writing and in the baffled crevices of my own mind – to describe the kind of person Kristen Doute has willfully decided to portray herself to be onscreen:

Lunatic Psychopath Candidate for lifelong intensive therapy Amateur voodoo priestess Professional stalker Woefully misguided pseudo-human A hunk of organic matter completely devoid of self-awareness Romper-wearer Sole person to blame for why we as a society know of the repulsive existence of James Kennedy Batsh*t crazy woman forever trapped in a stunted adolescence of her own creation The person I’d least like to be trapped in an elevator with anywhere, including Trump Tower

I realize that those descriptors aren’t exactly the finest illustrations of my own kindness or compassion or the most effective way to show female solidarity, but I tend not to strive to find an element of sisterhood when I’m not quite sure the other thing in the equation is of my species. For years now, Kristen has chosen to get paid … Continue reading

January 17th, 2017 | No Comments | Posted in Vanderpump Rules - Season 5

Vanderpump Rules Recap – 1/9/17

Here’s the thing about liars: after a while, they start to get really f*cking boring. It doesn’t start out that way. At first, there is sort of this fascination with all that they say. Their tales are vivid, their anecdotes crackling. It’s the specificity of the stories that draws you in and you’re left with an impression that this life you’re hearing about – this life you’re temporarily and peripherally connected to – is a life far more interesting than your own will ever be. See, your stories have fewer characters weaving in and out. Your stories don’t sparkle like a sequined skirt rustling around a thigh gap. Your stories eventually wind down because that’s what happens in real life – and right there is your first clue. A liar’s story has way more chapters because they write it as they go along.

Still, there’s no denying the captivating appeal of being in such close proximity to an agent of deception. If you’re anything like me – and some of you are fortunate that you’re … Continue reading

January 10th, 2017 | No Comments | Posted in Vanderpump Rules - Season 5