You know what’s so satisfying about a reality television reunion show? It’s the way the participants, who behaved all season long like witless troglodytes experimenting with crack addiction, finally take some responsibility for all of their questionable actions. The accountability they are now so willing to express is likely due to having watched themselves acting like barely evolved human beings – because you too are on crack if you believe these people don’t watch this show every single week – and learning to reconcile that they (at best) have come off as supremely foolish and (at worst) have come off as f*cking imbeciles. Yes, that’s why it was so gratifying as a viewer of this show to bare witness to Kristen standing up and announcing, “Though I am five feet nine inches tall and fabulous, I am also clearly insane! I have blamed other people for all of the problems that have plagued me for my entire life! These patterns of being banned from places and events squarely come back to my own repulsive actions! … Continue reading →

Let’s talk about slashers, shall we? Yes, I’m referring to that illustrious group of grisly movies where nightmares happen all around Elm Street and severed limbs are doled out along with Milky Ways on Halloween. Judge away, but I love those movies. Give me an omnipotent killer who never says a word as he preys upon suburban teenage archetypes in dark and isolated settings to the tune of a revving chainsaw as it slices into some nubile flesh, and I’ll be a pretty happy girl.

It wasn’t always this way. I used to be normal. In fact, I was the one who considered climbing out the window at slumber parties when The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was slid into the VCR after we’d grown tired of freezing the underwear of the poor girl who’d made the grave mistake of falling asleep first. For me, the visual carnage of torture that always seemed to be shot in extreme close-up was enough to give me waking nightmares for weeks. Friday the 13th was even tougher for me … Continue reading →