It turns out that tonight’s episode of Vanderpump Rules is titled Jax Cracks – and having such a ridiculous rhyming gift bestowed upon me obviously means that I need to immediately deliver a speech expressing my sheer gratitude. (Full disclosure: I’m coming off having Oscar fever, so I’ve been making acceptance speeches all day long. The guy at Starbucks looked incredibly confused when I thanked both him and my third grade teacher for my non-fat latte.)

But on to my appreciation for Jax Cracks:

I’d like to thank the programmers at Bravo who realized long ago that the population at large would literally watch anything as long as it’s run as part of a marathon.

I want to acknowledge Andy Cohen for being the closest thing to an Evil Genius ever seen outside of a comic book and for helping to usher in a society where the sound “NeNe” all of a sudden has a terrifying meaning that makes toddlers and grown men alike cower in utter fright.

I need to take a moment to … Continue reading →

For those of you who awoke this morning with a strange feeling inside that can only be described as an emptiness combined with the twinge of being emotionally bereft, I’d like to propose that the cause of such inner turmoil is simply being somewhat let down after a momentous occasion has passed and the only thing you can do to try to hold on to what felt so special is to try to harness your memories. Yes, Scheana’s wedding day is over, and I believe that we are all feeling a sense of loss that such a epic event will not ever come again – until Scheana gets married to her next husband.

But how did the bride feel? Take it away, Scheana!

“I have a husband,” said the woman with lashes so heavy that I’m not sure she could lift her eyelids to actually gaze upon the man who just agreed to legally be tied to her. “None of my friends have a husband.”

And that’s when I started to laugh. That’s also when … Continue reading →