For those of you who awoke this morning with a strange feeling inside that can only be described as an emptiness combined with the twinge of being emotionally bereft, I’d like to propose that the cause of such inner turmoil is simply being somewhat let down after a momentous occasion has passed and the only thing you can do to try to hold on to what felt so special is to try to harness your memories. Yes, Scheana’s wedding day is over, and I believe that we are all feeling a sense of loss that such a epic event will not ever come again – until Scheana gets married to her next husband.

But how did the bride feel? Take it away, Scheana!

“I have a husband,” said the woman with lashes so heavy that I’m not sure she could lift her eyelids to actually gaze upon the man who just agreed to legally be tied to her. “None of my friends have a husband.”

And that’s when I started to laugh. That’s also when … Continue reading →

If I had been allotted a full three years to sit inside of a dark room and devote all of my time to trying to figure out exactly the way that the guys from Vanderpump Rules would commemorate Shay’s last afternoon before he willingly married Scheana, I could never have come up with what actually transpired. My imagination’s vivid and all, but I’m not sure it would ever venture towards the sheer darkness that involves the scenario of four grown men standing in an alley, drinking 40s out of brown paper bags.

And then, of course, there’s Jax, whom I’ve come to believe is smegma personified. He appears suddenly onscreen and we can see, even without a cut to close-up, the faint sight of the gash that’s still on his forehead from that time he ran through a glass door to stop his car from being towed. He stands there in the dirty alley (“Maybe this is where I came from…” I imagined his inner voice whispering excitedly to the meatier parts of his … Continue reading →