I attended a wedding once where the bride leaned in to kiss her brand new husband during the first dance and he pulled away from her, recoiling. To this day, I can feel the reverberation of the walls in the place as they shook from the collective gasp let out by the guests who were surrounding them and watched it happen.

At another wedding, there was a rain delay. I was a bridesmaid. I arrived at the beautiful location at noon to take pictures with the rest of the wedding party. There was no food set out for us anywhere – no water either – and we baked in the Florida sun for hours until the rain came. Sadly, Reese’s Pieces did not fall from the sky. It was probably going on hour seven of this wildly unnecessary bout with starvation when I began to seriously contemplate stripping some bark off a nearby tree so I’d have something to gnaw. Three hours later, the storm subsided, my friend sauntered down the aisle, and dinner was … Continue reading →

Is there an exact date on record in the annals of history of the first time someone answered the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” with simply the word, “Famous”? Did that person just shrug dismissively when someone brave questioned whether or not he or she actually had any talent that might beckon fame in the future? And if we journeyed back in time and snipped that shrugger’s vocal cords and also maybe hired a sniper, would Vanderpump Rules even exist?

I think one of the things that infuriates me the most about this show is that so few of its participants appear to have any goals other than achieving some level of generic infamy. I mean, sure –you can argue that Sandoval’s got a band and Schwartz is a model and Katie (who has never once worn an item of clothing I have coveted) has a style blog, but what do the rest of them want to do besides strip off their dignity season after season while cameras point … Continue reading →