As I sit in my house in New York and the snow piles down from the sky in scary heaps, I find myself doing two things: praying with all my might that I won’t lose power and contemplating what kinds of preparation the cast of Vanderpump Rules would make in the face of a storm.

I’m imagining that Jax, upon hearing that he might have to be shut in for a few days, would hire both a prostitute and a tattoo artist – so that if he falls in pretend love with the girl he’s hired to go down on him, he can record her name on his body for posterity. (I think the pinky toe on his left foot is still unmarked skin that the new chick’s name can be inked on forevermore.) I’m also going to take a mental leap and guess that he’ll have some alcohol on hand too because the thought of facing who is really is while sober has to be more of a nightmare than it would be for … Continue reading →

I will hop right into recapping what occurred last night on Vanderpump Rules in just a moment, but first I would like to write a brief letter to all of my female friends whose weddings I have attended over the years:

Dear Ladies,

I want you to know that I was happy to celebrate all facets of your nuptials. I showed up with a smile for bridal showers that were scheduled on Sunday mornings at an hour when I should have still been snuggled in my bed. I made small talk over mimosas and I helped festoon ribbons onto a paper plate as you unwrapped your gifts in a tradition that I still don’t fully understand. I bought new dresses for your weddings and I walked down some of your aisles wearing gowns in styles and colors that I never would have chosen for myself unless I was blind or full of self-loathing.

I didn’t complain when some of you got married late on a Sunday night when I had to be at work … Continue reading →